


words unspoken

by lylikers



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: A little fluffy at the end, Angst, Developing Relationship, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, it's almost there tho, kanata is the kaoru hakaze fanclub president, references to aquarium
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 22:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lylikers/pseuds/lylikers
Summary: “If Kaoru doesn’t ‘expect’ to see me at the ocean, I’m not sure he ‘knows’ me as well as I thought he did.”





	words unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this is my very first published work and is a result of a lot of moping and neglecting homework.... enjoy

Everything burns.

Kaoru’s body aches, fighting mercilessly against his overwhelming exhaustion as he sprints. Puffs of sand kick up from under his feet with each step, coarse and rough but the only real thing keeping him grounded. He feels his body getting heavier with every pace. His hair flies into his face, damp and matted against his tear-slicked cheeks. He can’t think straight, not while his phone won’t stop buzzing in his back pocket, not while every grain of sand flicking against his ankle feels like a slice, not while he can barely see through his own tears. His mind is too muddled to pinpoint the moment the buzzing stops, the moment the tears run dry, the moment the drag of air in and out of his lungs becomes too much to handle. He collapses. 

It’s been a bad week already. Kaoru was stood up by his only two dates (some girls from the general course), and the rest of his week was uneventful and dull. Rei was on his case for skipping practice again, Hasumi was on his case again for skipping class again, and his father wasn’t making anything better. Kaoru would be met with glares and complaints every time the two were in the same room. He’d go to school early just to mope on the rooftop well into first period, and after school, would bicker with Souma in the Marine Life club room until he could no longer disguise the barrage of angry texts he was getting as cute girls. Kaoru snapped tonight. He and his father got into a fight and Kaoru ran, ran towards the shore because it’s the only place he’s ever felt safe.

Except now, Kaoru chokes on the salty ocean breeze that he used to crave day in and day out, panting and blinking away grains of sand and hot tears. He feels like he’s being suffocated, the pounding of his heart far louder than the calming lap of the waves just feet away. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. 

He can’t breathe.

Until the smallest thing snaps him out of his hellish trance, and his lungs fill with the freshest air he’s ever tasted.

“Kaoru.”

Kaoru’s head snaps up and seeing the owner of the voice drowns out the noise. Kanata stands a couple yards away, his white shirt soaked through and his trousers rolled up. Knowing him, he’s probably here for a reason similar to Kaoru’s. Or maybe he just couldn’t sleep. His eyes are the first things Kaoru notices, a piercing green against the pitch black sky. The look on his face is what comes next. He isn’t smiling, but his features are soft and gentle. His brows are furrowed in.. concern? 

That’s right. Kaoru must look pathetic right now.

Kaoru opens his mouth to speak, but his ‘kana’ is cut off by a choking sob forcing its way up his throat, burning and scratching and Kaoru is so close to crumbling again. He stands up and stuffs his hands in his pockets. He plasters a shitty smile on his face, one that definitely does not go with the puffy eyes and the uneven breathing. He tries again.

“Kanata, it’s late,” Kaoru laughs weakly. His voice is gravelly and cracking, and it’s physically painful to hear himself so vulnerable. Kanata is a problem in himself, one that Kaoru’s far more scared of facing, one that won’t go away no matter how hard he tries. Literally, considering he’s standing right here in front of Kaoru. Just thinking about the way Kanata makes him feel sends bile crawling up Kaoru’s throat. Every head pat, every brush of their knuckles while feeding the creatures in the Marine Life club room, every innocent little smile exchange in the hallway. It all makes his chest flutter in a way that should be light and euphoric, but instead lumps together into a pit in his stomach. Kaoru isn’t stupid by any means, and he knows enough about love to know that he’s in it. He did deny it early on, and entertained the thought that maybe, just maybe, it’s because Kanata looks like a girl. Maybe it’s because of the soft hair or the round face or the sweet, slow voice. But since then, Kaoru’s given up. He knows he’s wrong, and it’s wrong, in a sick, bittersweet sort of way.

Kanata and Kaoru lock eyes. Kaoru wonders if looking away would make him feel better or worse, but he doubts he could avert his gaze even if he tried. Kanata tilts his head before advancing, stopping right in front of Kaoru. He looks straight up at Kaoru, eyes communicating a silent ‘can I touch you’. Kaoru blinks, his chest tightening. And then he feels a hand over his heart. The blood rushing in his ears comes to a halt, and for the first time that night he can hear the waves. Kanata gazes longingly into his eyes, gentle and patient, but analytical, as if Kaoru is a puzzle without the corner pieces. Kaoru stares back, waiting for whatever may come next. Kanata opens his mouth, and Kaoru’s entire body tenses with dread, or maybe anger. Or perhaps the anticipation of what honey-coated prose would slide off of Kanata’s tongue this time around, a feeling that arises every time Kaoru speaks to the eccentric.

“If Kaoru doesn’t ‘expect’ to see me at the ocean, I’m not sure he ‘knows’ me as well as I thought he did.” 

The tensest silence they’ve ever heard hangs between them. And then Kaoru breaks.

He’s racked with sobs yet again, wails tearing out of his dry throat. Never in a million years did he want to hit this kind of low, not at all, nevermind right in front of someone. The little things pile up and Kaoru’s mind begins to race. God, what’s wrong with me, he thinks. After all that effort to stay composed he’s crumbling right here in front of Kanata, leaving him to clean up the broken pieces. Words are tumbling out of his mouth and he can’t catch them, though through the clouded mess of what’s left of his mind, Kaoru can make out his own choked up apologies.He tried to play it off, like he always does, but a snotty, sobbing Kaoru Hakaze-shaped heap collapsed on the beach doesn’t leave much to the imagination, does it?

Kanata latches onto Kaoru, knowing he won’t reach out himself, and Kaoru feels himself letting go, melting completely into the other boy. He doesn’t know what to do with his arms so they lay limp at his side, unlike Kanata’s, wrapped tight around his waist. He can feel the warm breath of another human against the side of his face as Kanata whispers sweet nothings into his ear. Kaoru unravels slowly in Kanata’s arms, hanging on so tightly that they might as well just melt into a single entity at this point. Kaoru doesn’t hate the idea. 

Neither of them can tell how long the embrace lasted when they finally pry themselves apart, and neither of them care. Kaoru’s eyes have long since dried up, his muscles relaxed. Kanata wears a sad smile on his face, but it’s wide and absolutely stunning. Kaoru, mind no longer muddled, thinks about Kanata for a moment. He thinks about what was told to him in the soft azure glow of the aquarium just months before, about how Kanata’s family treats him as some sort of god. He thinks about how maybe they aren’t so different after all, if Kaoru learns to put aside his fear and allows them to seek solace in each other.

Kanata begins to sink onto the ground, settling cross-legged on the sand. Kaoru follows his lead. They sit for a while, and at one point, Kanata’s hand find Kaoru’s own, their fingers lacing together. Kaoru stares at the arrangement as if holding hands isn’t something he’s done with girls hundreds of times. It’s different now, though, and new, and it still makes his heart jump into his throat in both the good way and the bad way. It’s a start, albeit a small one. 

“I think I’m gonna skip tomorrow.”

Kaoru speaks before he even realizes it, far too exhausted to deal with the idea of facing his peers in just a couple hours. What time is it anyway? For all Kaoru knows, the sun could be creeping up over the ocean in just minutes. Kanata’s other hand reaches up and caresses Kaoru’s cheek, thumb swiping over a stray tear. He’s so gentle and precise in his actions that Kaoru doesn’t even flinch, practically nuzzling into the warmth instead. 

“My ‘parents’ are out on business,” Kanata begins. “You can stay over for tonight.” Kanata pauses, wiggling his toes in the sand contentedly. “If that’s alright with ‘Kaoru’.”

Before Kaoru’s mind can get carried away with the implications, the raw, desperate part of him that wants more than anything to be away from home tonight whispers a ‘yes’. Kanata smiles.

“What about you, Kanata-kun? Don’t you have unit practice tomorrow?”

Kanata hums. “Of course I will attend Ryuseitai’s ‘practice’. But as for the school day..” He giggles, light and airy. “I think I’m ‘absent’ more often than not.” 

Kaoru manages a toothy grin. “What’s with you five and skipping, anyway? Is it criteria for being an Eccentric, or something?” 

Kanata laughs again, his ahoge bouncing as he tilts his head and puts an index finger to his lips, as if to say ‘that’s classified’. Kaoru feels better. Not good, but better.

Kanata lets his hand slide out of Kaoru’s and rises to his feet, head angled to gaze out at the ocean doused in the black of night. He turns back to Kaoru, who’s still propped up on an elbow in the sand, and reaches out a hand. Kaoru thinks he might just go blind. Kanata’s glowing, absolutely gorgeous, and for just a second, any trouble plaguing Kaoru is erased solely by Kanata’s radiant smile, by Kanata’s hand reaching out to help him to his feet.

Kaoru takes it, and their fingers slot in between each other once more, as if that’s where they’re meant to be. Kaoru whispers.

“Is this okay?”

“Always.”

Kaoru can breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/feedback are super appreciated!!! come yell at me on instagram @koseiarima and twitter @riahakaze


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